to work, or not to work.... that is the question.

So, half of me wants to work and half of me absolutely does not want to work because of the fabulous times I am able to have because of the fact that, right now, I don't work!

When I went to the Junior League event the other night, people kept asking me what I do for a living.  I responded with a multitude of answers..

a.  I'm not working right now since I just moved up here from Florida.  Just haven't found anything yet. (not really true... there are a lot more jobs up here than in Pensacola, and good jobs at that... I just don't want any of them... at all.)
b.  I'm actually not working right now... can't really figure out what I want to do. (truth)
c.  I'm planning on going back to school.... (kind of true.  Except for the fact that Christian won't let me go back until my undergrad loans are paid off.... ugh)
d.  I just moved here and left a job with a national healthcare consulting firm... so I'm just looking for something similar (I'm boasting plus this is a TOTAL lie... I don't want anything like that, ever again.)

Essentially, I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing with myself and be comfortable with whatever I decide.  I have just come to hate the question "So, what do you do?".  Ironic, since that is one of the major questions I ask when I'm getting to know someone.  It tells a lot about a person.  Tells you if they're educated.   Gives you a pretty good idea of what they're interested in (although this can be a total misrepresentation).  So, when people ask me "What do you do?"  I want to say "I work for a company called ME... and I create my own life, just the way I want it to be.  I don't make much money (if any at all) but the benefits are amazing.  I think everyone should work for this company at least one time in their life."  ha, maybe I will say that from now on.  That actually sounds pretty clever.  :)

So, back to the original question: to work or not to work?  Here's the thing- as weird as it may sound, I really don't have time for a full-time, 8-5, Monday-Friday job.  Christian and I travel wayyy too much for any respectable organization to hire me and let me take vacation close to three months out of the year.  Just doesn't make sense.  So, there lies problema numero uno.  Problema numero dos is just the fact that I have absolutely no freakin' clue what I want to do.  Here are a few ideas though:

1.  Go back to school to become a marriage counselor.
2.  Be a writer... and make money doing it. Writing a book... for a magazine... for a well-known news outlet.  (a dream... could it come true??)
3.  Work in a shop/gallery full of beautiful things that bring me joy.
4.  Own a shop/gallery full of beautiful things that bring me joy.  (not a possibility right now since we will be moving for the next six years before Christian retires)
5.  Be an artist.  (again, not really a possibility.... I'm creative... just not artistic)

I will say that this question of whether I should work or not work wouldn't even be uttered from my lips if it weren't for my amazing husband (who calls me a gold-digger when we talk about the subject of me not working- haha) being supportive in my indecisiveness.  He's great.  He listens to my weird ideas about what I want to do and never shoots me down entirely... except for the artist thing.  He's seen how inartistic, although creative, I really am.

This little argument going between the twins in my gemini head may be short-lived though.  I know, that once we have children, I will have plenty to keep me occupied and I can say that I'm a "stay-at-home mom".... but see, that just makes me mad!  Why should I wait until then to feel OK saying that I don't work.  Ugh, this is so annoying.

 I was reading my new book "Eat, Pray, Love" last night and she began talking about her travels in Italy.  She compares the people in Italy to those in America... how hard Americans work... how hard Italians do not work.... how the advertising world in America tells you that you deserve a vacation or a candy bar or a fast food item or a beer.... in Italy, they know they deserve a break... that kind of advertising would be very unsuccessful in Italy.  In Italy, they work just to live, they don't live to work.  As I was reading in bed, I hopped up and ran into the office for a high-lighter.  And I highlighted this:

Americans don't really know how to do nothing.  This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype- the overstressed executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax.   (this was me while I was working for Studer Group... however, I was not an executive)


I asked Luca Spaghetti if Italians on vacation have the same problem.  He laughed so hard he almost drove his motorcycle through the fountain.  "Oh no!" he said.  "We are the masters of il bel far niente."  This was a sweet expression.  Il be far niente means "the beauty of doing nothing."

I love this.  Was I supposed to live in Europe?  Maybe so... Christians German family did tell me last year that I was much more european than I was american (this, I took as a huge compliment).  For some reason, I've always been so fascinated by the European lifestyle.  They're much more liberal (not in the political sense... but rather the lifestyle sense), they're honest, they're beautiful, they're carefree, they're healthier (even though they smoke a lot more than Americans).

So, maybe I just answered my question.... to work or not to work?  Nay, I shall live as the Italians do.

Arrivederci.  Ti amo!