Well, today I went for my first trimester screening where they check for any genetic defects in the baby like Down Syndrome, etc. Unfortunately, at 13 weeks, we no longer have a heartbeat. The doctor talked to me after the ultrasound and explained that he thinks I have what they call a "partial molar pregnancy". Basically, there was an genetic issue with the fertilization process and if the baby would have survived pregnancy, there would have been severe defects. So, sometimes these things happen and while it may not make sense as to "why us", it's just part of the plan.
It sucks. I was by myself at the appointment and that was hard. Christian was home with Max so he wasn't with me. I knew something was going on when I didn't hear a heartbeat while she was doing the ultrasound and the baby didn't move at all. I even asked the tech if there was a heartbeat when she was walking out of the room and she said "I'll have to look at all of the pictures". Well, I'm no dummy and I know you can tell if there's a heartbeat while you're on the machine. But, I know she's just the tech and probably can't tell me that kind of thing. So, she came back and said the doc wanted to talk to me. So, I spoke with him and he showed me all of the pictures and explained the molar pregnancy and that even if the baby had a heartbeat, the pregnancy would need to be terminated. So, in a way, I'm thankful that, since there is no heartbeat, I don't have to make the decision to terminate my pregnancy. That's a relief.
So, now I'm waiting to hear from my doctor to see what the next steps are. Since I'm so far along, I'll have to have a D&C to clean out my uterus. The little research that Christian and I have done says that you shouldn't get pregnant for another 6-12 months so that's a pretty big bummer. I guess we won't definitely know if this is actually a molar pregnancy until the docs test my placenta after the D&C. But, it's all we have right now.
I hate that we JUST told everyone and now we have to give the bad news. I hate that I had just really started to get excited about this and not really scared. I hate that the two-year age gap that we always wanted is no longer going to happen. But, everything happens for a reason, right? Christian and I are ok. We still have a zillion questions for my doctors and really just wonder "why?". I can't imagine having a baby with severe defects so in that sense, I know this was all part of God's plan. We'll be fine and Max will make an awesome big brother when the right time comes. For now, I'm just going to love on my little man like crazy and be thankful that I have his happy, healthy face to come home to.
Anyway, I just wanted to do a blanket memo because, frankly, I don't want to get to that awkward conversation where someone asks me how the pregnancy is going and I have to say that I've had a miscarriage. No fun, right.
So, y'all have a good day. I'll fill you in more once we hear back from the doctors.
xoxo,
Chrissi
Chrissi, You don't me, I came to this page from Kari Nowack's facebook page. I feel your pain today, I too went to the doctors office at 12 weeks pregnant in 2005 and the doc couldn't find the heartbeat. Sent me to the tech for a full ultrasound and she didn't even speak to me while she was doing it.......all I could see was the flat line going across the screen. The scan showed no heartbeat since 9 weeks old. I had a D&C the following day. I was 41 at the time with a two year old daughter. I believe it truly is God's plan when these babies don't make it, there is a reason for everything although we don't always see it straight away. My daughter ended up having major lung surgery just 3 months after I lost the baby and so we are thankful for all our blessings however they are shown to us. My husband's aunt gave me a book to read called 'I'll Hold You In Heaven' by Jack Hayford, Healing and hope for the Parent who has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion or early infant death. It was a help in those quiet moments and the rough moments when you want the 'why did this have to happen?' questions answering. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, God Bless........Linda Burge, Pensacola, FL
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