20 weeks in.... what I've learned.

Twenty weeks into my pregnancy, I could have never imagined how much my life would change when my little boy made his way into this world.  And now, 20 weeks into motherhood, I can come up with a list a mile long of things I've learned from being a momma for almost five months!  FIVE months!  Can you believe it?  Time really does fly.  

As many of you know, I had a rough start to this whole parenthood thing.  It was kind of a slap in the face of my life and just sent shock waves through every inch of me.  As much as I wanted to be a mom, there were days when I wished I could have just rewinded time.  I know, that sounds awful but if you know me, you know I'm not going to butter you up with all kinds of glamorous stories.  But, as time went on, people kept telling me "it gets better, I promise".  And, low and behold, they were right.  I am LOVING being a mom and yes, I miss my old life of zero responsibility every now and then but I really wouldn't trade this for the world.  And, actually, me really loving this new gig just happened within the last month or so.  Max was a tough one up until about four months.  He was grumpy most of the time because he just didn't know how to sleep very well so he was constantly tired.  A tired baby= a bitchy momma.  haha  So, for whatever reason, Max hit four months and became a totally new little man.  He started napping better so he was MUCH more pleasant during the days and his personality just all of a sudden began to blossom.  We've also gotten him to start sleeping ALMOST through the night rather than waking every two hours like he was doing.  So, everything is going great!  Now, he'll be five months next week and it gets more and more fun each day.  

So, I've come up with a list of 20 things that I've learned so far in my first 20 weeks as a momma.  Enjoy!

1.  I am no longer allowed to be a control freak.  My child rules the world and no book or Google search can change that.  When Max was born, I expected to just be able to mold him into any little creature I wanted him to be.... to teach him how to sleep perfectly, to teach him how to only eat when I wanted him to eat, etc, etc, etc.  Yeah.... um.... ask me how that worked out and how much I've really been able to control.  haha  

2.  I really don't remember what it feels like to not be a mom.  People always say they don't remember life without their child.  It's true... whether that's good or bad.  

3.  It's not easy.  Anyone who says it's easy is lying and needs a swift kick to the face.  

4.  Moms are too hard on other moms.  Whether it's breastfeeding or formula feeding, having an epidural or going all natural, breastfeeding until kids are two or three years old, crying-it-out, co-sleeping, etc, etc, etc.... No matter what the argument, moms are MEAN.  I think any mom needs to mind her own damn business and worry about her own child and not about what's going on with another family.  As long as kids are safe and healthy, we never should impose our beliefs on anyone else.  

5.  I've never worried more about one human being in my life.  Seriously, it's nuts.  And, I know it will only get worse.

6.  People really never stop with the advice... and it gets old.  I know my own baby better than anyone so I smile and take every peice of advice with a little grain of salt.

7.  They really do grow fast.  It definitely didn't seem that way the first couple months.  But, now I look back at pictures and videos of when Max was a real newborn and holy cow, I barely remember it.  :(

8.  Babies are the only people on earth who it's polite to stare at.  This, I find kind of funny.  

9.  Things that never wake a new baby:  vacuums and blenders.  Things that almost always wake a new baby:  sitting down to eat a meal.

10.  I'm constantly excited to see the next new thing Max will learn to do.  It's so AWESOME to watch him figure stuff out.  Whether it's finding his hands, grasping onto a toy, passing that toy from one hand to another, grabbing his feet, rolling over, flashing that adorable smile or hearing him chuckle.... these little milestones never get old and they light up my entire world.  

11.  Relax.  As crazy as it is, I can totally tell that Max can pick up on my stress.  

12.  Every baby really is different and I've only done myself a disservice by comparing Max to other babies.  

13.  The internet is a new mom's worst enemy.  It will scare the shit out of you and/or make you feel like the worst mom in the world for the tiniest thing.  And, those damn forums online.... ugh, just remember, moms are MEAN!  haha  I vowed to stop Google-ing anything at all.  If I have a question now, I call the doctor or ask my mom or my cousin.  

14.  I wish I would have never read a single baby book except "What to Expect in the First Year".  Books that promise that your baby will sleep 12 hours a night, nap for two hours, or eat on a specific schedule may work for some babies but if it doesn't work for yours, it will make you go insane.

15.  I feel there's too much pressure on new moms to be chipper and have a "life is grand" attitude all the time.  Sometimes when I'm asked "how are you enjoying motherhood?", I feel like I HAVE to say "oh, it's amazing and so fabulous and great" when sometimes I really want to say, "well, today, it sucks.  I haven't showered in two days and only got about four hours of sleep each night for the last three months, and my child constantly wants to be held." haha  But, I'm sure that's not what people expect.... especially those folks who have never been through it or are so removed from it that they can't remember!  

16.  Sleep when your baby sleeps is great advice but definitely not possible in some cases.

17.  Sometimes, I'm jealous of moms who go to work and get a break and I'm sure they are jealous of stay-at-home moms, too.  You never really can have it all, can you?

18.  The most rewarding meal I've ever made in my entire life is two ounces of pureed steamed carrots that my little man gobbled up tonight.  Really, I've never been more proud of my culinary efforts.  

19.  Once you get over one hurdle, another one is waiting around the bend. 

20.  One of my favorite rappers, Jay Z, said this about his new baby girl: "my greatest creation is you".  Seriously, nothing I've ever accomplished in my life will ever compare to my body creating a human being.  It's simply miraculous and something I can't even wrap my brain around.  

So, there you have it.  The things I've learned..... hopefully I can ease another new mom's anxiety.  

xoxo, 

Chrissi