I'm not sure what it was...
... maybe the Christmas full moon.
... maybe the three night wakings Lydia had last night.
... maybe the winey/"won't let momma put me down" baby she woke up as this morning.
... maybe the constant excitement that IS Christmas morning.
... maybe it was the Devil trying to get into this day.
Not sure. But, SOMETHING put me in a horrid funk this morning. I didn't want to be around anyone. Maybe Christmas Eve was just too perfect and my expectations for Christmas morning were too high. But, being in a bad mood made me feel horribly guilty because I have so much to be thankful for. But, I just wanted to go to my closet and hide with my coffee (before it was reheated three times).
Finally, around 10am, Lydia took her first nap. I decided to go for a run to pump some endorphins in my body and sweat the shitty attitude out of me! As I was walking to my starting point, I got my Pandora all set up. I love running to either a Kenny Chesney station or a Darius Rucker station. They seem to be upbeat and happy songs. Well, the first song that came on as I pressed play and started to run was Darius Ruckers "It Won't Be Like This For Long". If you've never heard it, it's about each season in your life and how they don't last forever. Y'all, it took every single thing in me to not crumble up in a ball on the sidewalk and cry my eyes out. I mean, I literally had to stop running just so I could catch my breath from trying to avoid the ugly cry. A couple tears escaped but I mustered up the courage to continue my run and continue listening to the song. It shocked me back into shape and made me realize that, like my momma always said, "this too shall pass".
I'll be the first mom to admit that I really don't like the baby phase. I don't know exactly what it is about this particular phase but sweet holy Moses, I just do NOT enjoy it. I try. I really do. But, just like when Max was a baby, it's just a tough stage of motherhood. The constant demands are hard. And Lydia is a SUPER demanding kiddo. She's still nursing and refuses any other kind of milk. She isn't a great eater. She's super impatient and doesn't sleep all that well. She whines a lot and is a momma's girl to a fault. She's beautiful and has moments that will just melt a momma's heart. But, damn, I wish that girl would go to someone other than me. I'm NOT one of those moms who says they "secretly love" that their baby won't go to anyone else. Hell-to-the-no, I would LOVE if Lydia would even willingly go to my husband on a regular basis. Purely exhausting. But, like the song said, it won't be like this for long.
Isn't it crazy how things happen sometimes? I swear, it was a total God thing this morning. I silently prayed probably three times as Lydia was hanging off of me crying this morning at one point or another. I prayed for strength and patience. I prayed that she would feel better (she's been a little sick). Then that song came on. It was a slap in the face that I needed on this Christmas day. "Suck it up, buttercup", is what I was being told. Some days, I don't want to suck it up and I let my feelings just be. Other days, like today, days that are all about love and family, I absolutely need to suck it up.
So, off I go to enjoy the rest of my Christmas and realize that even this mood "won't be like this for long".
Merry Christmas, everyone!
No comments:
Post a Comment