We have one week until the movers pack up our stuff and take it down to Texas. One week. One week left in the region that has totally changed me as a person- as a woman. I'm not sure if it has hit me yet. I'm trying to soak it all in but it's a lot. These last five years have been good and they've also been hard. They've been heavy and I'm ready for that weight to be lifted.
In 2010, we got married and moved 1100 miles away from the place I called home for 24.5 years. I was thrust into a life that I really knew nothing about. I was now a wife, a NAVY WIFE, in a big city where I knew no one. At that point, I was so excited about life. I loved every minute of our new adventures. I joined the Junior League of Philadelphia, made new friends, golfed, volunteered, cooked, worked out daily, traveled the world and really enjoyed life. The first two years we were here were filled with a lot of joy. Christian was gone a lot and I missed Florida and my family a lot but I was making the best of the situation, for sure. After about 10 months, we decided to move from north of Philly over to New Jersey to be closer to the new base where Christian would fly out of.
I got pregnant with Max during our second year here after about a year of trying. We were so excited to expand our family and take on this next phase of life. It was a wonderful time. I loved being pregnant. I felt amazing! He made his way into the world after about 30 hours of hard labor. I don't really remember a lot of the moments right after he was born just because I was purely exhausted. Becoming a mom was amazing and scary and beautiful and HARD. I was never a baby sitter, I never had babies around when I was growing up. I really don't think I had ever changed a diaper before the nurse at the hospital asked me if I had changed his diaper yet and I said "oh, no... I guess I didn't even think about that". Three weeks after Max was born, Christian left on a detachment. I was pretty weepy, emotional and lost. I figured it was all the hormones just coming out and everything would even out eventually. Then, I kept reading that if you continue to feel "baby blues" past a couple weeks, seek help. Well, I never did. I figured this was just how everyone feels. It's hard and my situation with my husband leaving made it harder so I just needed to suck it up and deal with it. Boy, I wish I knew better. I didn't start to really feel better for about four months. I cried a lot. I wondered why I wasn't enjoying the moment and saying "this is the best thing that has ever happened to me". It wasn't. I loved this little human that I created but damn, I wanted my old life back. Luckily, the (post partum) depression subsided and I started enjoying life a little more.
When Max was about a year old, we were waiting on our next set of orders and I prayed HARD that they would take us back down South and closer to family. They say it takes a village to raise children and, man alive, I wanted my village. But, the orders I hoped for never came and Christian found out the he was extended here and we'd be here another two years. What a blow. I felt like I was punched in the gut with that one. It took me about a week or two to get over that and just suck it up. So, we decided if we were going to stay here, we needed to be in an area where I would have more of a support system and be around folks who would understand our lifestyle. That's when we decided to move into base housing. So, we packed up our house in May, put everything we owned in storage, Max and I went to Florida for about two months and Christian went to Japan. When he got back, we headed back to NJ and moved into our new home in base housing. We couldn't have gotten any luckier with the house and neighbors we got. Lydia was born last fall and she just kind of slid right into our little life here. My labor and delivery with her was a piece of cake and she has been a relatively easy baby from the get-go. And I have been MUCH more emotionally well post partum. She doesn't sleep all that well but I would question if they accidentally gave me the wrong baby if she did sleep well. My kids just suck at sleeping. They get it from their father who has never-ending energy.
It has been a pure blessing. I will miss this street so much. I will miss my sweet neighbors even more. But, this is the military life. We make fast friends and then at some point, we have to say our goodbyes. Luckily, technology today helps us feel a little more connected even when we move to different areas of the country. Thank goodness for that.
All of that being said, these five years have changed me. I'm not the young twenty-something I used to be. I have aged, I feel like I've dug through the trenches of depression (both post partum and situational depression), I've watched my kids play with tears in my eyes because I love them so damn much, I've struggled with loneliness during the times my husband was gone overseas and even some times while he was in the same house because it takes a while to feel connected again after not seeing each other for weeks. It's been hard. But it has also made me stronger. I've been pushed to my limits, I've craved a familiar face, I've longed to feel like I was at home.
Moving to Texas still isn't home. But, it's closer. And it's the South. I'm hoping I won't feel so much like the odd man out there. My expectations are high but I hope they aren't too high. They're high for our new lifestyle since Christian doesn't HAVE to fly. They're high for our marriage since we will have some consistency. They're high my for sanity since I'll have a chance to focus on doing things for myself and not having to find a babysitter if my husband has to suddenly leave in two days. They're high for my children since they won't have to deal with dad being gone for six weeks at a time.
I'm ready and excited for this next phase. We have two years until Christian retires from the Navy. That brings on a whole new set of changes and I'm ready for that, too.
So, bring it all on....
